Elisa Bryan First Year Missionary - Adventures In Missions

unfamiliar by the unchanging

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Here I am...'home' from Swaziland...yet, it really doesn't feel like home.

I have begun to adventure out to see the familiar people and places I haven't seen in eight months. I talk to the people who knew me eight months ago, but have yet to know me now. I walk past building after building paved with people that walk by with nothing more than a glance...not comparable to the "hello"'s, "be my friend"'s, and "marry me"'s I have grown accustomed to. I come home every day to a house with infinite water, heat/air, and food. I have the ability to walk into my bedroom, shut the door, and be alone for however long I want...contradicting my former room constantly full of fifteen people where the word 'silence' does not exist. All of this familiarity actually feels quite foreign. I can no longer pick up random kids walking down the sidewalk and bring them home with me, there will no longer be several marriage proposals per day from men I have never seen, and I no longer have to be in groups of three to walk outside my yard.

However, with all of these things that seem different, and all these feelings I have telling me that everything has changed, I have a God that tells me he has not, and never will, change. The God that is in Africa, the God that blew my mind away, is the same God in the United States. The God that I saw heal, heard speak, and watched change lives...including mine..., is the exact same God here.

As I head on this new adventure, I am asked to trust. I am asked to trust my God is here. I am asked to trust what I knew my callings were in Africa are still the same callings I have even though I'm here. I am asked to know, that I am not familiar to those around me, and continue to have my mind blown away by an awesome unchanging God.

Goodbye for now Swaziland.

Hello America.

My God Saves

Mon, 7 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Rosa- a five-year-old girl from Mozambique in the squatter camp who is abused, abandoned, and now forced to sleep outside in one of the most dangerous parts of the country.

Nshloso- a six-year-old boy in RFM hospital that fell on a fire and was abandoned at the hospital in September.

Calile- Nshloso's ten-year-old sister who was abandoned with Nshloso and is his only caretaker. She sleeps under his crib every night, wakes up in the morning, walks to school, walks back to the hospital, takes care of anything Nshloso needs, then does everything all over again.

Zama- a five-year-old boy with TB in RFM who does not know where he lives or who his parents are.

Tophsihle- a five-year-old girl in the squatter camp that prostitutes herself so her family will have bread.

Prisca- a lady in the market that has taken eight orphans into her home (due to her friends dying of illnesses) in addition to the three of her own and her husband. She only makes enough money to feed some of them everyday.

There are desperate situations every day. Many times, it feels as though these situations are so overwhelming there is no way out. It is so hard for me not to lose hope as I talk to each of these people every day. My common thoughts say "This is too much, these problems are too big, and they're not going to survive." However, that is not what God says.

In I Samuel 14, Jonathan and his armor-bearer seek out the Philistine army that greatly outnumbers him in strength and size. Yet, Jonathan's response is not fear or hopelessness. He says, "The Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few." Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving. It does not matter the size or number of problems we face, because it is the Lord that does the saving.

As I walk through the streets of Manzini everyday, I am called to remember that I am not the one who will save Swaziland. The Lord, whom nothing can hinder, will fight for the hurting children, the desperate mothers, and me.

My heart continues to break as I witness each of these situations everyday. I cry out and pray as I don't understand and many times I am angry about the situations around me. Nevertheless, in the end I know, my God saves.

Baby Moses

Sat, 8 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT

The past few weeks we have had the World Race team staying at our house as they prepare for their next adventures. This team is a group that travels around the world for a year, ministering for weeks in all different countries. They arrived in Swaziland just a few weeks ago, and stayed in Nsoko for 3 weeks. During the team's stay in Nsoko, they met a mother who is severley sick with AIDS and tuberculosis that had a little baby boy (who they named Moses), that weighed only four pounds at six weeks old. 'The Racers' brought Moses back to our house upon their return from Nsoko so they would nurse him back to health. Come Monday morning, they decided to admit Moses into RFM hospital (my ministry site) so he could get better care and the medication he needed.

After my day off on Monday, I decided I still wanted to go to the hospital for ministry and was surprised when I saw Moses there. I was told how he was admitted and the details of his stay were still yet to be determined. After my ministry, I went back home and the moment I walked in the door, I was asked if I would mind staying at the hospital over night with Moses. I said I would not mind, grabbed my stuff, and was on my way to the hospital within the hour with one other teammate.

As I walked into RFM, I was greeted with all kinds of bizarre looks, as the women and children I normally do my ministry to, watched me come in to stay for the night. Starting at eight o'clock that night, I began feeding and holding baby Moses. All the moms in the hospital came around me, teaching me the best ways to hold him as he sleeps and eats, grabbing the nurse for whatever was needed, and doing whatever they could to help me. By midnight, I was just sitting on the hard bench next to Moses, exhausted, and realizing what these mothers do every night for their children in the hospital. I continued feeding and holding Moses as he slept through most the night. At about 4:55 am, it was noticed that Moses' breathing had lost a pattern and I was confused by what was happening. The moms that were next to me had me go get the nurse and, upon my return, I watched Moses take his last breath.

After Moses passed away, I was left stunned as the nurse kept asking me legistical questions I didn't know the response to. This was the first time I cared for a baby and learned to love it, and then watched it pass away in front of me. This experience has made the experience the mothers in the hospital go through every day, so much more real to me. As I sat there all night with Moses, never sleeping but feeling like I was going to fall over at the same time, I could not figure out how these mothers do it every single day for months at a time.

I am still processing and grieving all that has happened, but giving praise to the Lord in everything that has happened. I am so grateful that my ministry with these women and children involves such a deeper relationship now, and thankful that I was blessed to spend those last hours with little baby Moses.

A Day in the Life

Mon, 3 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT

After a weird night of roommates yelling in SiSwati in their sleep, I woke up at six o'clock Friday morning, rolled out of bed (a sleeping bag on the floor), and prepared for the day that lay ahead. Three other girls joined me for ministry as we headed out for our mile and a half walk into town. After multiple marriage proposals from men and buying fruit from the "fruit ladies" on the street, we headed to the Hope House. At the Hope House I sit with gogo Sipiwe for a couple hours as we talk, crochet (or at least I try), and we spend time ministering to each other. She always points out her favorite Bible verse that day and has me read it in English, and we spend a lot of time in prayer.

After the Hope House I am escorted by two Nigerian teenage boys to the hospital, that continuously propose to me as they tell me Ashanti and DMX are their cousins. Once I reach the hospital (another mile and a half from the Hope House), I kindly reject these two boys, and continue into the children's ward. The next two hours were spent with a six year-old boy, Nhoshlosho, who was dropped off and abandoned there in September. Nhoshlosho does not speak any English, so I spend my time coloring with him and singing. I really cannot get enough of this boy.

After the hospital, I walked to the cultural market, where I sit with a lot of women at their tables as they make their living selling jewellery, baskets, etc. We spend our time deepening our friendships and sharing with each other. These ladies also come over regularly on Sunday afternoons and I lead Bible study with them. They are absolutely hysterical and can be so encouraging to me.

Once I left the cultural market, it was about five o'clock and time for me to get back home. I proceeded to walk to the bus rink (just imagine thousands of minivans from the 80s running into each other, and thousands of men running around yelling like auctioneersit's really interesting) and get on the Madonsa kombi (the van that takes me home) and sit for a half hour in dead heat. After I am told that I am fat multiple times (apparently that's a compliment here, but I haven't exactly learned how to accept it yet), a fairly large lady (imagine Big Momma's House) comes and squishes next to me, wraps her sweaty arm around my neck and hugs me all the way home while she constantly talks in SiSwati to me.

At six o'clock I finally arrived home. Exhausted from walking everywhere, and the heat being so intense, I lied on the tile floor in my bedroom and went to sleep.

This is a day in the life of being an American missionary in Swaziland. I cannot say it is a typical day as I don't believe really any of our days are "typical". We never really know what to expect as we approach each day. However, I hope this enlightens you to what some of my ministry (and trips to and from ministry) look like. J

Valentines Day

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Have you ever been awoken at 6:45 in the morning to the singing of "You are my sunshine" and breakfast in bed? Well, that's how my Valentines Day began. :)

Thursday morning, the guys on our team came serving a self-made breakfast and singing to us, while promising to serve us all day. We exited our bedrooms and the entire house was decorated with pink and purple hearts dangling everywhere, and multiple valentine cards (and chocolate) for all of us on the table. It was a lovely way to wake up, though rather early :), and then we headed off to our ministries. As it was Valentines Day, Brianna and I decided it would be nice to bring little gifts to our friends that we minister. So, we went to the shop and bought candy bars and chocolate to give out. Note: if you ever want to make a Swazi's day, give them chocolate, I have NEVER seen people be more excited in my entire life. We began at the Hope House giving my friend, Gogo (grandma), a kitkat bar. She then proceeded to say a huge thank you prayer in Siswati. After leaving, we thought it would be nice to give some chocolate to the lady selling fruit on the street. This lady is there every single day selling fruit, but she speaks no English so our conversations with her are limited. We figured that we could at least show her some love by giving her a candy bar...oh did she ever feel loved. This lady leaped off the sidewalk and threw herself at us as she began screaming and jumping up and down out of joy.

Our day continued in this manner, as we did our ministry and gave out chocolate. When we got home, we found the guys were also cooking an exquisite meal (done by themselves), and were serving us by candle light dinner. Oh...and this meal included chocolate cake by the way. :) All the girls were waited on like we were royalty, and I must say, I wouldn't mind being treated that way every day....

Right now, we are in South Africa for the day as we are getting our visas renewed for Swaziland, and will be heading back in about 2 hours. Tomorrow I will return back to the Hope House, Market, and the Hospital to continue my ministry.

Things to pray for:

- All of the illnesses facing the team. So many people are sick with colds and parasite related illnesses.

- Protection of our hearts and emotions as the reality of this new world around us is continuously shocking. Pray that the emotions people feel will be used to more effectively share the gospel.

- Continue praying for the people of Swaziland. Pray they will see the need for Christ as they see their need for bread.

Thank you once again for all the support and prayers, it is so encouraging!

In Faith,

Elisa

Quickie :)

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Sauwabona umngami wami. (Hello my friend.)

I do not have much time to write, but I wanted to send a quick update. I no longer have the hospital as my only internship, but I am spending much time doing street ministry and the Hope House as well. I absolutely love doing street ministry, as I basically sit on the street with people every day. Most of the people I sit with, will be in that same spot every day so I have the opportunity to build relationships with them and minister to them. Right now, I have made many friends at the cultural market and spend a lot of my day with them forming deep relationships. The Hope House is the last resort for people with AIDS. It is similar to hospice care, and I spend time visiting with the patients there. Sometimes we just sit and talk, other times I read to them....or we even sing together! My days are busy as I go from one ministry to the next but I love each part of it. I am building relationships with the people all over Manzini, and I could not be more excited about what the Lord is doing.

It has been so encouraging to hear you are still praying for me and I thank you for all your support!

Walking in Faith,

Elisa

Standing in the Gap

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

According to statistics, the country of Swaziland will become extinct by the year 2050, due to the rapidly growing number of people with AIDS. But, what if this country is like the city of Jersualem talked about in Ezekiel?

I have been spending my quiet time recently in this wonderful book of Ezekiel. I was reading in Chapter 22 about the Lord's promise of judgment, and thus destruction, of the city of Jerusalem... but, in the process of reading, one verse really caught my eye.
vs. 30- "I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none."
The Lord states that he looked for one person that would stand in the gap of what is righteous and what is evil, but he could not find one...not even one. Had he found this person, Jerusalem would have been spared. This got me thinking.

What if Swaziland is like Jerusalem? What if the Lord is looking for people to stand in the gap for this country? What would happen if we stood, pleading on behalf of these people, who are dying off from AIDS? Could it be, that God calls each one of us, to stand on behalf of someone...whether, it be a country, a family member, or friend?

This is something that becoming increasingly more urgent to me. Let's join together in 'standing in the gap.'

Swazi and Tongues of Fire

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

So we're back in Swaziland to stay, all settled into our house, and already weird things are happening. I was spending time with the Lord last night when I suddenly became convinced that my head was on fire and went screaming upstairs because it felt like there were flames consuming my hair. I then had to sit with my head in an ice bucket for the next thirty minutes to cool myself down. I really was just having an allergic reaction to something, but it was a time with the Lord that I'll never forget. :)

ANYWAY, yesterday was our first day back in ministry again, and we are spending this week figuring out our routine schedules. I decided to make the hospital my main ministry for my time here and am already having a blast doing it. I spend all my time in the children's ward talking with the mothers and playing with the babies. It's so much fun forming relationships with these people as most of them will be there 24/7 for the next month. They love to ask questions and want to know what I'm doing here which makes it perfect to minister to them about the Lord. I do feel a little hesitancy about spending so much time at the hospital, and loving these mothers and children because I know that there are going to be times (and already have had times) when everything doesn't turn out alright and the children are just too sick. Most of the children are in the hospital because they have AIDS and they can't fight off the smallest of colds. It's so hard sitting with them through that, but you can't help but falling in love with each one of them the moment you meet them.

Outside of ministry, things are going really well. Everyone is still trying to recover from the trip here and adapting to this environment again. I only have $900 left until my trip is fully supported by you and I can't thank you enough for the prayers and financial support you have given me. I pray all is well with you!

J-Bay

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 00:00:00 GMT

These last few weeks, we have done our ministry in Jeffrey's Bay, South Africa. Our whole Africa team drove 14 hours down to J-Bay to a hostile called UCSA. We then had two speakers, Jim and Ben, fly in as we began a leadership and discipleship conference. For about four days, our team was split as half of us went to discipleship classes with Jim, and the other half to leadership classes with Ben. I was part of the discipleship track and I learned so much during this time. We learned what it is to be a good discipler, and how we can be one here in Africa and also when we go back to the States. We talked about the things inside of us that could be obstacles to us being good disciplers and then worked on having those things fixed in our lives. We practiced by discipling eachother and going out into J-Bay and ministering to the people there. After this conference we had four days of debrief in our Kenya and Swazi teams, and we debriefed the last 3 months of our trip. It was really good to finally be able to process and reflect on everything we have done and learned these last few months and share it with our teams. We also went over things that would happen once we all went home and how deal with certain struggles we may face, or questions we may be asked. It was really refreshing and exciting to go over. The car ride home from J-Bay did not go quite as smoothly as the ride there. In between two vehicle breakdowns, it took almost 24 hours and 15 packed in 9 person van to get home. We looked at it as a really good team-builder. :)

On the 14th, our team departed for Christmas break. There are many people staying in J-Bay, the states, and doing ministry in India. I am in Johannesburg, SA now where I will be spending my Christmas. I am still in the process of trying to raise support for this trip and I still have $1200 left to raise. Thank you for your faithfulness in prayer and the many ways you have blessed me on this trip. Have a wonderful Christmas!

Swazi Homestead Life

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 00:00:00 GMT

9 days ago, we departed South Africa and made our way over to Swaziland, once again, in our new team of 15 people. We moved into our new homestead where we were about to live the life of the local Swazis. These past 9 days have been a shock to me because I didn't realize how much of the culture I was missing out on by not living with the people. We have faced challenges such as, no electricity, no toilets, sometimes no water, walking in intense heat and more. There have been things that just make us confused sometimes and laugh at how bizarre this life is for us. For example, we go to sleep at about 8 when the sun sets, and get up at 4 or 5 when the sun rises... then there was the time I went to bed and there was a huge snake trying to get in the door, and when I woke up this morning with a black widow on my arm. It's really quite the interesting life. :) The life these people live is amazing. My eyes have been opened to a new kind of world and I respect and admire the Swazi people so much more than I already did.

Hospital

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 00:00:00 GMT

This week I spent much of my ministry at the hospital. I was really excited the first day I went because Cindy and her baby girl, Nomeeswa, were there and I had actually met them in October the first time we came to Swazi. I spent a couple days just sitting and talking with Cindy and the 11-month old Nomeeswa. It was so cool to form a friendship with her and really get to know their life. I left the hospital Wednesday telling Cindy I would be back and I couldn't wait to see Nomeeswa well again. On Thursday, I decided to change up my ministry for the day and go to a carepoint instead. But, I had promised Cindy I would be back to see her and Nomeeswa, so I went back Friday. However, when I got there, Cindy wasn't there. I assumed she must have gone home with Nomeeswa and began asking around when she had left. Another mom that was there then informed me that the 11-month old baby girl had actually died that morning and Cindy had left right before I got there for home. This was, and still is, really hard for me to deal with for a couple reasons. I felt as though I should have been at the hospital on Thursday so I could have spent the last day with Cindy and Nomeeswa. I was also really upset just with the knowledge of how different life is for them and for me. It was hard knowing that if Nomeeswa had been in a hospital in the States, she would probably still be alive. The thought that where you live, may just determine whether you live, is really frustrating for me and hard to grasp. This whole situation though, has really made me so much more compassionate towards all the women at the hospital who are fighting for their childrens' lives. The mom never leaves the child no matter how long the child is sick. She just sits on the wooden bench or the concrete floor keeping watch. This whole experience was just extremely eye opening for me and puts things in a new light. Please pray for Cindy and her family as they go through this time, and pray for all the children and their mothers who are struggling in that hospital.

Love to all.

Frustrations

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 00:00:00 GMT

This past week has been the most exhausting week yet, however it has been so awesome to see thew ays God has been working within our team and the people we've been reaching out to. Yesterday, I went with about 10 people from our team to Atteridgeville which is about 5 kilometers (Iyeah, I don't really know about this whole metric system thing :)) away from our house. Atteridgeville is basically a huge squatter camp, but it is my favorite place to do ministry here in South Africa. Me, Michelle J, and Michael spent all day with our new friends Shipo, Denzel, and Johannnes. We had a blast playing Murabaraba, walking through pouring rain, and then sitting in Shipo's house as we talked about God. TO be honest, this is really the first time I have been frustrated when talking with the locals about God. I spent a lot of time speaking with Denzel, adn he began by telling me that he doesn't believe in any religion, but that he does pray to God. I asked him if he could explain who God was to me, and he explained God as his creator, but then asked me who Jesus was. I told Denzel teh story of Jesus being God's son and how he became a man and died for us...of course I elaborated more than that, but you get the point. :) Anyway, Denzel proceeded to ask me if I believed in the Bible, which I responded with a "bery much so", and then he said "oh, well, I don't". He said that he did believe the story of Jesus in the Bible, but that is the only story he believes. "The stories of Daniel, MOses, and NOah...I do not believe" he continued to tell me. After much confusion between our languages I began to understand what he was telling me. He doesn't believe the other storeies because he believes all stories of the world should be told. "What about Africa? What about the people in Africa? THese men who wrote the stories about Daniel and MOses have not lived everywhere or lived in every time. They do not know what they are talking about." Denzel was adamant in saying that there was no reason he should believe the authors of these stories because they have never lived in Atteridgevill, South Africa. This was hard for me to understand because my mind went straight to "Why does it matter if they have lived here or not? It doesn't change the truth...." It's so much easier for me to grasp the truth of the Bible and for me to have hope, than for Denzel, because I don't live in a situation that seems hopeless. It's so hard trying to explain and trying to reason why someone should believe the word of God is truth, because it requires faith, and faith does not involve logic or reason. This may seem like a jumbled mess (and with our language barrier it actually was), but that's how it here. To our American minds, it seems so simple and straight forward, but between communication being limited because of language barriers and our cultural differences ( no matter how hard we try to realate), there is only so much we can say sometimes. It's really hard to try and explain this and why it is frustrating, because it is nearly impossible for our minds to comprehend the kind of life someone like Denzel lives. Pray for Denzel, others in his position, and for our team to learn how to understand and how to be compassionate instead of frustrated.

Thank you so much once again for your prayers and your support. I am still working on raising money as I still have $1200 left to raise, but we serve a God of provision who is always making sure our every need is met.

You guys rock my world. :)

In His Grace,

Elisa

FINALLY!!!!!

Fri, 5 Oct 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Hi Everyone!!!!

I hope this post finds everyone well! I am so sorry that I have not been able to update since I arrived in Africa. Communication is very difficult for us right now. I spent the first week of my trip in Gainseville, GA where we had training camp. I would venture to say that training camp is more rustic than Africa. :) We spent that week sitting through sessions, working on children's programs, and doing team builders. It was so much fun as we were preparing for the 9 months that lay ahead of us. Our first week in Africa we spent in Pretoria, South Africa, at a mission base called Alabanza. We basically live in a farm house there, and there's nothing around us walking distance, nor is it safe for us to try and walk anywhere. During our time there, we do ministry through the streets, squatter camps, feedings, and more. Our days are long and busy, but I wouldn't change anything about it. We start our day early with breakfast, quiet time and a session. The sessions are almost like being in an intense church service every morning. I love it :). We then have lunch and head out in smaller teams into different ministries. At night, we have more quiet time, one on one discipleship, dinner, and praise and worship. Oh and you can't forget the house chores. I love to mop. :) Anyway, after a week at Alabanza, my whole team loaded up the vans and we headed on out to Swaziland, which is where I am writing this from. Swaziland has the highest AIDS percentage in the world. There is so much pain everywhere we look, that many times, we end up leaving in tears. Our days here follow the same kind of schedule as we did at Alabanza, but our ministries our different, and to me, it seems much more intense. The squatter camp was the first place where I went for ministry and it was really hard for me as I saw the little houses made out of mud and sticks and the kids running around with hardly any clothes on, but they were some of the most amazing kids I have ever seen. I also spent a day of ministry at the hospital here where I was never sure if the people there were taking their last breath or not. It was so awesome to just sit there with them, talking with them, and holding their hands. This is just a glimpse of some of the things I have been experiencing here. I wish I could go more in depth, but unfortunately, the Swazi's are protective of how much time we spend on the internet. :) All in all, God is completely wrecking me and everything I have ever known, but He puts me back together little by little, so I gradually begin to look a little more like Him. I absolutely love it here and I know this is where God has called me to be at this time in my life. I can't thank you guys enough for the prayerful and financial support you have given me. I love that I have you guys as my companions on this trip. At this point, I need $1,200 (PRAISE THE LORD!) to finish all payments for this trip. Donations and pledges may be made, n this website where it says "support me", or it may be mailed into: Adventures In Missions, 6000 Wellspring Trail, Gainesville GA, 30506.
Everything is going so well here, but there are some things that need to be lifted in prayer. There have been many people who have been sick on my team. However last night, one of our teamates had to be taken into the hospital because she was in an extreme amount of pain. We do not know what is going on exactly yet, but prayer would definitely be appreciated.
Our team will be leaving Swaziland on Monday, and we will head back to Alabanza. I have every Friday off and I should be able to use the internet each week then. I will keep you guys updated the best I can. Once again, thank you so much for your support. I love you all!

In His Grace and Mercy,

Elisa

or Nomvula ( my Swazi name)

faith that can move mountains??

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

trust

-noun

1.	reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing;

faith (fth)
n.

Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.
Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.

Well, I guess that clears things up. :)

With approximately a month and a half left until leaving for training camp, my spriritual life has been lacking in faith and trust. I have 4,000 dollars left to raise before the required amount is paid off. This idea has been stressing me out like nothing else.

However, despite the 'material evidence', or lack thereof, I am choosing to not doubt the ability or power of our Lord. That is what faith and trust are all about, right? :)

Trusting in Him.

Imperfections

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"Desperation leads us here
Leads us here
Illumination meets us here
Meets us here
Revelation brings us here
Brings us here
Restoration frees us here
Frees us here"

I attended a David Crowder concert this week...which may have been the coolest thing ever, by the way. :)

Lately I have been overwhelmed in being thankful that I was created imperfect. I am so grateful that I was not created to live a perfect life, but I was created to live one that strives to be holy, and accepts the gift of grace when the imperfections show so bluntly.

For some reason, I feel obligated to wallow in shame when my flaws appear so often. However, I was reminded that if it weren't for our flaws, Jesus never would have had to come and die for us. He died so I could have the privilege of basking in his grace.

How stinking awesome is that?

His mercies are new every morning...

Sun, 20 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT

" Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 139:23

I really felt like I was about to be on top of the world... I was ready to conquer. I was quite sure that I did not need anything or anyone; all I needed was me. However, a time of stress soon came upon me and I eventually came to my knees. I prayed this prayer from David, really believing that I had no offensive way and no impure motives.

God quickly showed me otherwise.

Just for the record, watch out for the things you pray because it seems you may find out some unexpected things about yourself.

I found that I have areas in my life that I have not let go. I recognized an unsurrendered pride, a lot of buried anger, and a locked up heart.

I was then asking the glooming question of "How do I surrender these thing???" I have "surrendered" these areas of my life so many times, so why are they still issues?

The conclusion? Well, I found that surrendering things is not something I do only once. It's not something that I do and is gone forever. I have to surrender everything every moment of every day. It's a pressing trial that I will face everyday.

It's a lesson I've heard many times, though I have 'til now to experience it.

This is the song of the week:

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within

I lay it all down for the sake of you my King

I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights

I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

Chorus:

And   I    surrender all to you, all to you

And   I    surrender all to you, all to you

Verse 2:

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross

And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss

For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name

To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

In His Grace,

Elisa

Be Still

Thu, 17 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT

I have been overwhelmed by the busyness of life the past couple of days. Everywhere I went I was distracted by all the things to be done and still left to do. I was anxious about almost everything including school, work, money, etc.

I decided to take a day off everything, sat on the beach, and opened my Bible. I looked down and my favorite verse was staring me back in the face. "Be still, and know that I am God" (psalm 46:10). I continued to sit; however, I fought the stillness. There was just too much to be anxious about. I felt that I could not afford to be still. I fought until I could no longer fight and grew weary.

I was walking up and down the beach and it was getting late, and I could not help but ask for something tangible. I was lacking the spiritual strength I needed. I sat down again, looked over the water and smiled.

and, then I took a picture. =) I found that sometimes I search to hard... It's all the creation around me that reminds me of our great God. Our God who never fails to provide, or amaze.

Slow Dancing, Swaying to the Music

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Sometimes I feel like life is a slow dance. Those moments, those very few moments, are everything. They are the only moments that exist, they seem like the biggest, most important moments of your life. Swaying back and forth, following where the beats lead. How would you know there is more?

I went to my high school yesterday. I had not been there since the day I graduated. As I walked through the doors, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of the utmost awkwardness. My first steps onto the premises made me smile as I remembered the pep rallies, basketball games, senior assembly, graduation party, and even my first slow dance had been held in this room. I left, almost relieved to be out of that room. I walked outside and across the courtyard, only to enter our beloved cafeteria. I walked in and stood in the middle of the room with a somewhat bewildered look on my face as hundreds of kids ran around or into me looking for their table of friends. There was pizza, cookies and muffins flying around, while lunch ladies were running around frantically, while trying to make it look like they are in control; though, we all know much better. I was suddenly brought back to reality as a pingpong ball drilled me in the face and was almost tackled by a couple students diving for the ball, who apparently would owe a cookie to the winner. Now, that, would be horrible. I decided it was about time for me to continue my walk. I walked around visiting with students and faculty I once knew, while listening to the familiar sounds of teachers yelling at the students to "shutup, sit down, and quit throwing things". I began walking down a stretch of hallway lined with lockers. There was a group of kids laughing, yet very secretive about what they were doing. I walked by and glanced around them to see what action was making them so mischievous, only to see that they had stolen all the toilet paper out of the janitor's closet and hidden it in their locker; they had conquered the world. I laughed to myself and continued walking. I walked into the auditorium where rehearsals for musical are going on. People are screaming that students should be going over lines when they are not on stage, and the students are complaining and mutter how dreadful this entire process is, but in all reality, you know underneath they love every second of it. I left the auditorium, and continued my walk down another stretch of hallway lined with lockers, however, this time I couldn't hold my laughter inside. I found a group of kids being loud and obnoxious and my immediate thought was about how immature they are. I began to pass by them as I burst into laughter when I saw what they were doing. They were trying to get one kid shut in his locker. Then I saw them realize that they could not get the kid out of the locker. "Amateurs" I thought as I walked over. The student inside the locker shouted his combination to me through the door as I showed the others that if you "hit there, kicked here, pressed and turn like this....vola". I got a hurried thank you as the student jumped out and they all ran down the hallway. I continued my stroll until I got to the band room. I stood outside of it for awhile as I watched students inside the entry way doing homework, eating, making fun of each other's sections because they have not realized that there is life outside of band. Then there was a circle of talk about who is dating who in the band. This is of the utmost importance. I then went into the actual band room. It was frighteningly comfortable. It was as familiar as my own home. I turned to leave, but something caught my eye. I turned to see a picture of myself on the wall. I stared at my picture for awhile and was suddenly overwhelmed with every memory I had ever had in that room, and with those people. Every emotion possible flooded my being. I stood for another moment, took one more look around the room and exited the building.

High school was a slow dance. Three years of slow dancing. I never knew something more existed. Those moments, those few moments were everything. I was at one point, the one whizzing threw the cafeteria bribing the lunch ladies so I wouldn't get in trouble, and I was the one locking myself in my locker experiencing severe claustrophobia, and that picture. That picture hanging in the band room. Well, that was me. Caught in the music, following the beats of life.

Funny how things change when you decide to start dancing with you Maker.... :)

Collision

Tue, 6 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT

I read the book of Esther 3 times as we were told to do. I kept searching for a certain verse that would impact me differently than the others. However, there were not specific verses, or any statements that were made that impacted me, it was actually the lack of them. I will attmept to clarify.

Esther was raised as a young woman who had lost all her immediate family, was torn away from her uncle, and placed in a palace where she may have very well ended up as a servant. As I continued reading I could not help but wonder how I would have reacted had I been in her situation. I felt bad for her, wondering if maybe she had planned out a future for herself before all of this happened. I wondered if maybe she had her own dreams, and special desires that could now never be fulfilled. I finally read through for the third time, with the same thought process only to realize, never once, did it say "and Esther complained". I never read "Esther then doubted God". Throughout all of the trials she faced, she kept on going. She kept her faith. Even when she felt as though she were blindly walking, she did not falter in her trust.

This is not the typical message I get when I read or hear the story of Esther, but it was something that I definitely needed to catch onto. Esther allowed God to wreck her. She let Him wreck everything she had ever known until all that was left was for her to collide into Him.

Open Doors

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Hello! This is where I will be keeping all of you updated as I make my way as a FYM to Africa. God has taught me so much these past couple years that it is impossible to write it all on here. However, God has instilled a passion for missions in my heart about two years ago. Trip after trip I prayed constantly about, always confused on what I was supposed to be doing. God is not a God of confusion though, and he shut each door that needed to be shut and opened the others wide open so I could run through them. A passion for Africa, and specifically the children with AIDS, has overwhelmed me and I am so excited to embark on this journey.

In His love,

Elisa